Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize