My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
