ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
