i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
