There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
