You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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