Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
