It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
