yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
