dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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