Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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