i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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