My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
