I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
