im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
