it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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