She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
