I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize