i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
