We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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