I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
