Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
