So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
