oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
