That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
