Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
