her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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