first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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