whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
