I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
