i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
