Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
