Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i've created a new STD.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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