and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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