if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
