Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
