New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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