I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
