Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize