If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
