I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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