i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
