Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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