6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
