i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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