Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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