help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize