My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
