Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
