I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
