i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
