the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
