yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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