College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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