I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
