6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
