I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
