so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
