My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
