We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
