The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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