What a fucking waste of an outfit
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
