I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
