I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
