I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
