Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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