Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize