Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
