So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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