please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
