Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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