also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
