he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
