So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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