I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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