I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
