look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
