my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
