she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
