just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
