found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
