Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
