he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
