I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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