Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
