i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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