Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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