Someone shit on the floor
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize